GENIUS----

CAKEFARTS.com

Hello All-

I will be updating this blog so so soon-Thanks for the email so much going on!-

PLEASE HELP MY FRIEND-

Is it wrong to love?....

I recently went to a high end store in the city which will remain nameless to protect my new interest. I was shopping and that is when I spotted this mannequin that was so fucking hot it hurt my crotch. Perfect tits, perfect ass, totally bald in the batters box! Now I am one to check out the mannequins as I walk by Victoria Secret's but end up looking away but this Mannequin was so hot and she even had hands and feet. Usually they don't which is a turn off because I am a handjob guy, although the thought of not being able to chase me after I tell her I banged her Mannequin best friend is kind of a turn on. So there I was with this Mannequin and I couldn't stop staring, I could totally tell she was checking me out with those big blue fake eyes. I thought back to that movie from when I was little where the Mannequin comes to life and fucks the guy who gets stuck in the store. All these perverted thoughts came over me in that moment, banging her and getting plaster all over my dick and we could wash it off together like summercamp minus the guilt, shooting my load on her face so it looked like she was crying tears of salt globs, breaking her hand off and spanking her with it during rough sex. I was standing in front of this Mannequin in this busy store sweating like an arab checking into a flight. In that moment a store clerk came over to change the Mannequin and I felt a overwhelming rage like he was feeling up my new girlfriend. He was just pulling her clothes off with no regard to how it would make me feel and I blurted out, "Touch her tits and I will pull the fur of your sack" He nervously put her shirt back on and walked away leaving us once again alone in that moment. When security finally came over and escorted me out it didn't matter because I had that new love feeling all over. I am not allowed back in the store but some late nights I walk by and stare into the store hoping to catch a glimpse, hoping she might remember a moment when we had something special even if it was fleeting.

Why I won't sleep naked!

So people are always asking stupid questions when I'm on the road. Last time I was in LA a model asked if I enjoyed sleeping naked and I said I didn't. Now this was an obvious pickup attempt on her part but I had a point to make. Everyone seemed miffed that I didn't sleep naked. I had to explain myself so I did to the whole group of people after a show. I don't sleep naked because I am afraid aliens are going to sneak into my room and with some mind ray render me helpless and take turns on my ass like a gay rodeo. Now you think that I am kidding but I am serious. When do you ever see anyone on the television describe the blow job they got from the visitors or even a handjob. No, it's always straight to the ass with these big headed ass bandits! If you think for one second I am inviting a space finger or even worse a cock from outerspace in my ass you are nuts! Why do these enormo nogged freaks come down and blow people, think of the great relationships we would form if they just blew us or jerked us off. In that case I would be outside with a flashlight and casio keyboard signaling the mothership for some contact! Sadly that isn't the case and I will continue to wear three pairs of pants and two pairs of underwear every night in fear of some out of this world ass maintenance heading my way!